Inappropriate Christmas Lessons

Just an idea that was brewing in my mind. Spending so much time trying to adapt materials to different levels and pull pedagogical use out of them sometimes makes you a bit crazy. Or at least you realize that it would be just as easy to come up with terrible and offensive questions and activities as it would to come up with appropriate and useful ones. So here are a few Christmas lessons you probably shouldn’t use with your students.

  • Listening: The Kinks “Father Christmas” Discuss: Have you ever beaten up a department store Santa Claus? Would you like a machine gun for Christmas? Why or Why Not? Who would you shoot? Does your Dad have a job? If not, what is wrong with him?
  • Reading: “Why Santa Claus Definitely Does Not Exist” for young learners only. Discuss why children are too stupid to realize that Santa couldn’t possibly be real. Discuss how lying to children about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny is really a form of psychological child abuse. Elicit that parents who promote these myths should be put in prison. Homework: Have students video tape their parents putting the presents under the tree.
  • Listening: The Who “Christmas” Discuss the true meaning of Christmas. Elicit that Jesus was born to save our souls. Discuss: Will disabled people go to hell? Will people who don’t go to church or read the Bible also go to hell? Note that if you have a class with students from different cultures and religions you may have to emphasize that their beliefs are definitely wrong. Could be used as part of a longer unit on bullying cousins, pedophile uncles and using drugs to forget your problems.
  • Content-based ESL: Economics Have students look up the market price of reindeer meat in at least 3 different places. Hand out worksheet, “How Much is Ruldolph Worth Dead?” Have students calculate the weight of Santa’s reindeer and the total market value of their meat. Discuss: Wouldn’t Santa make a better profit if he ran a reindeer meat farm?
  • Listening: “Winter Wonderland” Discuss: Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Why or Why not? If you are alone, is it depressing to be alone over the holidays? Focus students’ attention on the line “He’ll say, ‘Are you married?’ We’ll say, ‘No, man.'” Are people who are dating outside of wedlock bad? Should society take a more active role in shaming people who date but aren’t married? How could you pressure people to get married?For homework students should plan their revenge on the children who knocked down the snowman.

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